I love my days off. But today was rather odd. I have to go for regular blood tests - nothing serious - the bane of many middle aged people - cholesterol check. But I have to fast for 12 hours before the test. I like to do it on a day off because then I sleep in a bit, take a shower and go and the waiting for water and coffee in the morning doesn't seem so hard. Today at 9:30 I'm ready to go but I cannot find the form from my doctor I need to take to the lab. I remember moving it from its regular place to another place 2 weeks ago - somewhere supposedly better, but I can't remember where! I went through every drawer and hiding place I could think off, tried calling my doctor for a new form but couldn't conncect and finally at 10:45 when I was very unhappy and hungry I gave up the search and went to Tim Horton's for coffee and a treat. So I just came back from the doctor's office this afternoon with a new form and I can to this all over again tomorrow.
We leave in two days to go to BC to visit our kids there and the star - Baby Oliver. Its funny because I can't really anticipate going to see a grandchild because I have no reference for this. When I see people my age with their grandchildren is looks really appealling but I can't picture myself doing this yet. I am looking forward to seeing the little guy a lot so I can try on grandmotherhoos first hand. I also am excited to see Ryan and Steph and celebrate their new life as parents. I think they will be wonderful. But I am looking forward to seeing Scott and Margaret too. Its suprises me how much I miss them. They fit into the flow of our house so well last spring.
I also cried for Kevin twice in the last few days. Maybe its just that my emotions are so sharp again. Such joy with the birth of Oliver makes the sorrow more real again. Sunday in church we sang, Jerusalem the Golden. I usually don't like that song but it fit so well with the sermon that I was singing the first verse very lustily. We were celebrating that believers will go to heaven when it suddenly hit me that Kevin was there. I was not able to sing the rest. It wasn't so much sadness but just overwhelming awe that he is gone.
Life brings many joys and many sorrows all interwoven and we have to be willing to experience both. Henri Nouwen talks about this in his book, "Can You Drink This cup?". He says life has to be like wine - a mixture of the bitter and the sweet otherwise it would be Kool-aide or vinegar. (My very meager retelling.) But it is a concept that is good to remember.
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hey mom. that's strange about "jerusalem the golden". when i was in iowa last january i went to church with grandma and she also got really emotional when we sang that song.
i've been playing christmas songs on my guitar recently and i can't help but think of kevin when i sing them. espeically "angels we have heard on high", and "angels from the realms of glory".
it's going to be tough to hear the hallelujah chorus, too.
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